This inspirational story from Saturday's Melbourne Age 'Two of Us' section illustrates how mentoring can transform the lives of mentors and mentees well beyond expectations and the usual parameters.
Two of us
INTERVIEWS BY DANI VALENT
Kayne Hughes, 18, met Adam Hughes, 43, as part of the Big Brothers Big Sisters youth mentoring program. The pair were supposed to meet for weekly activities but they clicked, broke the rules and Kayne became part of the Hughes family.
Kayne's storyI've come from the rough parts of the streets. My dad led a thug life and he died when I was three. My mum took drugs all her life and had boyfriends who beat me up, did drugs, sold my stuff to get money for the drugs. I think I went to 19 different primary schools.
I was living with my nanna when she saw the ad in the paper for Big Brothers Big Sisters. I was a bit hesitant. Being 13, I didn't think I needed someone to guide me, but I went along to an activity at a swimming pool. There was a whole bunch of men standing against a wall. I saw Adam and I thought, "Please, not the fat one!" But I ended up being matched to him.
At the time, I thought it was going to be the most boring thing in my life but we clicked just like that and started planning activities. I love fishing and motorbike riding, so we did that. We went cycling.
At the time, I was living at my second foster home with a 70-year-old lady. She was doing the best she could, but all I wanted to do was go out partying. Adam set me on the right path. I started spending more and more time with Adam. Eventually, I started living with Adam, and he and his wife applied for foster care of me. I was really grateful but it was kind of mutual. We all clicked and it felt like a normal family. His sons are my brothers. It's really cool.
I wouldn't call where I grew up a home. I would call it a house. It was really broken. The people we were having over were drug dealers. It was a really negative spot to be in.
We didn't have any money because Mum spent all the money on drugs. I was in a gang when I was in year 5. We'd hang out at the skate park, do drugs, party, wrestle. I didn't have much respect. I was the ultimate rebel without a cause.
Our household now is a lot more organised. We do things as a family. If someone's feeling down we all help them. It's such a beautiful house and we keep it that way. We like to show our stuff off. We love having friends over.
When I was young, I was full of hate. Adam welcomed me with open arms. It shocked me a bit to think, "Wow, people actually do love you." I showed them the same love back. I've just started an apprenticeship at a motorbike place. I'm lucky enough to be given the key to open the shop and close the shop. They trust me and it's really awesome.
It's been a crazy life, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't feel sad about the childhood I missed out on because if I didn't have that experience I wouldn't be who I am today. If I had the perfect life I would probably be some snobby little kid. I thank my mum for showing me a path I don't want to go down and I'm really grateful for the love that I have now. There's a lot of love and joy in our family.
Adam's storyAbout six years ago, I seemed to be spending most weekends sitting on the couch. I'd been heavily involved with my two sons, their school, their soccer, but they had grown up and I was bored.
My wife plonked the paper in front of me one day and suggested the Big Brothers program. I had always been a community-minded person, so I went along and I was hooked. There was an activity day at a swimming complex and I was matched with a group of three kids, one of them being Kayne. The lady who supervised saw a bit of a spark between us.
The program is designed around the power of friendship. The idea is to catch up on the weekend for a couple of hours. You pick your little fella up and you go out, fishing, the movies, bowling. At our second activity at [Melbourne's] Luna Park, Kayne was hard to talk to. I didn't feel we had a connection. I called the program and voiced my concerns. I was having a lot of doubt.
Through that conversation, I realised Kayne was distrusting of adults, especially males, and, ignorantly, I wasn't making enough consideration for that. It became abundantly clear that I was going to have to work hard at this friendship.
I stuck with it and the dynamic changed. After we got through the circle of trust, he's like me - talk, talk, talk. I couldn't shut him up. Soon in the piece, I introduced Kayne to my wife and my two other kids. We became inseparable.
At that time, he was being fostered by an elderly lady. She was lovely but it was hard for her. He was a 13-year-old boy, very active. My wife and I talked about it one night and we decided we'd like to provide Kayne with a home. It just seemed to be the right thing to do. We applied to become foster carers.
My two older boys love him and my wife thinks the world of him. We knew from the beginning that he was never going to be just a foster child, he was going to be our son. He uses my last name, he calls us Mum and Dad; Kayne is quite simply our son. It was almost like there'd been something missing from our family all those years and he filled that gap.
He was a child starved of a childhood. My wife and I have probably been guilty of spoiling him as well as giving him love and affection. We helped him be just like any other kid - to go to his cycling event and have all his own gear and not have to borrow. A lot of people have commented on how lucky he is but we always say, "No, he's not the lucky one here, we are."
Without a doubt, Kayne is my best friend in the world. He's an absolute delight, pure and simple. He's never given us an ounce of trouble, though it bugs me that he doesn't tidy his room.
It is simple to turn someone's life around. To build a relationship where you can talk, where the child can offload and know you're not going to judge, even just to be genuinely interested, all that is amazing for them. The power of friendship is life-changing.
